


Dan's Testimonial / "i hate him"

by st0rrm



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, also this is irrelevant to anything but why is dan x gerard way a thing omfgggg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3761161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st0rrm/pseuds/st0rrm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan's testimonial about Phil Lester. AKA a list of reasons why he hates Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dan's Testimonial / "i hate him"

**Author's Note:**

> this is just some bullshit i wrote out of nowhere hope u like it

I hate Phil Lester.

I hate his stupid blue eyes that aren’t really even blue. (They’re more of a turquoise rainbow.)

I hate his stupid fucking lips and how cute they look when he smiles. I hate the urge I get to kiss them until they’re red and raw. I hate that damn tongue that sticks out from between his teeth every time he laughs at something. Speaking of, I hate his damn laugh. It sounds too happy and _pure_ for it to be coming from some guy who looks like he shoots up heroin in his spare time.

I hate his skin color. It’s too pale and it contrasts too perfectly with his hair...His perfect, soft, dyed black hair…

I also hate his torso. It’s too perfect. It’s _literally_ the perfect torso. It’s the perfect proportion to the rest of his body.

His hands get me. God, I hate them just about as much as I hate the rest of him. They’re too slender and too delicate. And Jesus Christ, I hate how I want to hold them all the time. I hate how I want to slide my hand into his and lock our fingers together and I hate how I want to feel how warm—or cold—they are in comparison to mine.

I hate his voice. It’s too deep and rich. I hate the way it sounds early in the morning when he’s dead tired, and I hate the way it sounds when he’s drunk and can’t bring himself to care about how he speaks. (Phil’s drunk voice is loose and airy and has far too many giggles, which is a contrast to his regular way of speaking which is clipped and calculated.)

His fucking cheekbones—god those cheekbones can just go fuck themselves. His cheekbones are godlike; they’re the kind of cheekbones that models try (and fail) to imitate. (This may actually be an exaggeration, but, hey, I’m biased.)

His personality too; that’s some bullshit that must’ve come out of an angel’s ass. Like, an angel probably had to stick their hand so far up their ass to even be able to begin to grasp at the basic fundamentals of Phil’s personality. It’s unreal.

Even though he’s a full grown adult, he still manages to have this air of childlike innocent surrounding him; which always throws me and everyone else for a loop when he says the dirtiest things imaginable. He’s a fucking enigma or some other John Green-esque bullshit.

He is such a little smart ass too. You don’t notice it at first, but, at some point when you’re around him, you’re going to do some small little thing, or say something, and he will just drop this sly, sneaky little comment that will make you want to both slap him and laugh until you piss yourself.

I hate hate _hate_ how he always seems to be off in his own little world. He thinks of things in such a creative and unique way, and he connects the dots where you wouldn’t think to do so. He is so spontaneous and chaotically intelligent—I fucking hate it.

And you know what I hate most of all? How this is all a huge lie. I hate how this is just a huge fucking lie—because I don’t hate any of it. I love it. I love all of it. I love him. I love everything about him.

And I’m pretty sure he loves me too.


End file.
